Poems aren't just for women

Poems aren't just for women - A man poem for men.

Poems aren't just for women,

They're for gays and children too,

But don't be too disheartened,

If you're carrying a cock-or-two,

There's a simple set of rules,

Learn them till you know it,

Follow them to the letter,

Then you too could be a man-poet,

Haikus are for Japs,

Odes ain't for the gent,

Limericks are for children

And sonnets are bent,

First and most importantly,

Your poem must always rhyme,

Any true man know this,

It's been true since the dawn of time,

Blank verse is too pompous,

Pretentious, twee and trite,

If your poem doesn't rhyme,

I'm telling you now, it's shite!

Pacing is important,

And by pacing I mean rhythm,

But use the concept, not the word,

'Cos nothing rhymes with rhythm,

Stick to manly topics,

Like boobs, guns and the hunt,

Never talk of lady-things,

Unless you own a dress,

Steer clear of the womanly,

Like flowers and menstruation,

Unicorns are off the list,

As are babies and gestation,

Never share your feelings,

In men they don't exist,

If you get the urge to open up,

Don't write it down; resist!

Men of the world unite,

Let's all team up and show 'em,

We've important stuff to say,

And we can do it in a poem.