I've recently been making a conscious effort to try and be more positive. Everything pisses me off. I throw around the word 'hate' like it's going out of fashion and my list of nemeses is getting longer by the day (yes, I have more than one nemesis). The process of being more up-beat would be made a whole lot easier if I wasn't constantly surrounded by cretins. In an ideal world I would make everyone else around me less stupid; or I'd just get rid of them altogether. Seeing as neither of those are viable options, circumstance dictates that it is I who must make a change. We'll see how that works out.
In the last week alone I've lost my temper over a range of things from other drivers to my microwave. The thing that's about to make my head explode today is people's use (or, more accurately, misuse) of the word 'literally'. I'm sat watching Gok's Fashion Roadshow (don't judge) and this word is being thrown around like lube at an orgy. “I literally can't believe it!”, “I'm literally just gonna put this belt on and voilà!”
Gok Wan (who, incidentally, I met once at a martial arts expo. I'm not sure why he was there to be honest) has just said some thing along the lines of “I've just made this dress at literally a fraction of a price of a designer one”. Any price would have been a fraction of the other. Any two numbers can be expressed as a fraction of one another, you moron. If they were the same price the fraction would be 1/1! I'm not angry that he has little to no understanding of practical calculus – he has no understanding of when and how to use the word 'literally'.
I remember the first time this ever annoyed me. I was watching the news and there was some guy who'd just be released from some foreign jail. The details of the story are irrelevant – it didn't happen to me and thus I care not. He was being interviewed on his arrival back in the UK and was describing his living conditions; “I was kept in a cell that was literally this big”, then held up his hands about 6 inches apart from each other. Oh, I see. Your cell was literally 6 inches wide, was it? Was it?! No. If it was you'd literally be dead and I'd literally be a lot less irritated. Twat.
Gok Wan's use (and Jamie Oliver is another classic example) of the word 'literally' is often restricted to things which aren't only plausible, but verifiable facts; “and I'm literally gonna put the basil on top.” No kidding. Tit.
Let me spell this out for you all. Literal language does not defer in any way from its meaning. Figurative language does. Hyperbole, metaphor, figures of speech, analogies, euphemisms are all non-literal devices we use to get our point across. I suppose that I could argue that the word 'literal' has simply become a figurative device, but seeing as I'm not brain-damaged I won't. In speech the word 'literal' is used specifically and almost exclusively to indicate that there are no figurative devices be employed. Using 'literal' figuratively is not only confusing, it's just plain stupid.
I could bang on about the degradation of the English language and the stupidity of youth, but that line of thinking is tired and uninteresting; no-one cares. However, with any luck I will have now ruined for you all the television that is painful for me to watch. Try and watch any non-scripted show (I'm thinking specifically of things like X-Factor) without noticing every time some simpleton “literally dies of shock” when they make it through boot-camp. If only.
No comments:
Post a Comment