Saturday 27 August 2011
Spooning
Today I made friends out of spoons. From left to right their names are Owen, Cledwyn and Owen. Cledwyn is cross because he is Welsh and a ginger. Owen doesn't like it when people confuse him with Owen, but Owen doesn't really mind when that happens.
Tomorrow I think I'll buy a guitar - because without a hobby to focus your mind you drink too much and end up making.friends.out.of.spoons!
Sunday 21 August 2011
Jolly Blog 9 - Hungarian Barbarian
You may remember a few weeks ago I was whining like a child about having to share my place with some random Slovakian. I was upset because he might use my stuff, and he might take up all the space in the fridge, etc. He actually turned out to be an alright guy. He bought hand-soap for the bathroom, gave me a beer this one time, and he was bald so I could be fairly certain he wasn't using my shampoo. Well, the random Slovakian went back to Slovakia last week and some new guy has moved in. This one is Hungarian. I'm now sharing my flat with this living-cliche of a bad room-mate.
I'm told he's 34 years old, which I'm sure would be true if it was 1995. If he's a day younger than 50, then I'm a foetus. He also has a lazy-eye. Lazy-eyes that I've come across before have never bothered me, but this guy's one is something else (think 'Sloth' from The Goonies). I think it's the fact that he doesn't turn his head to speak to you, he just peers at you through the eye which points anywhichway but forwards. Within hours of his arrival he made more of a mess of the bathroom than I thought possible. I'm hardly a paradigm of clean-living, but the state this guy left the bathroom in actually made me heave. Then he did the unthinkable. It's one thing for me to be paranoid about people using my stuff; even if my paranoia is justified and they are using my stuff, if I never know about it I can't get properly annoyed by it. Ignorance is bliss. But this guy, not only used my hair-gel, but left the lid off and two grey finger gouges running through it. I then spent the next 5 hours at work glaring at his stolen hair-do. If you have to steal hair-gel, at least have the common decency to cover your tracks; if you do something wrong, do it right. He's already got the lazy eye to watch his own back. As per-usual, I won't confront the problem head on, I'll passive-aggressively convey my anger and let him know that I don't like him by behaving like a petulant child.
The ridiculous thing is, my hair is too long for hair gel. I don't use it, and haven't for more than six months. I would have just given it to him had he asked.
And I'm almost sure he used some of my bread.
He probably has herpes, too.
Dick!
In other news, I've finally set up the fundraising page for my half marathon: link here. I eventually decided to support "Naomi House: hospices for children and young adults". Personally, I would have gone with "Naomi House: helping terminally ill children stay at the brink of death for longer". Or, "keeping sick kids above ground since 1997." (I'm working on the assumption that raising money for the charity gives me a passport to make fun of them without retribution). You are under no obligation to give anything - just be aware that not donating will categorically make you a worse person than I. Yes, you will be a worse person than the guy whose nemesis has Down's Syndrome.
Have an average one, cretins.
From your unerring moral-compass,
Joe
I'm told he's 34 years old, which I'm sure would be true if it was 1995. If he's a day younger than 50, then I'm a foetus. He also has a lazy-eye. Lazy-eyes that I've come across before have never bothered me, but this guy's one is something else (think 'Sloth' from The Goonies). I think it's the fact that he doesn't turn his head to speak to you, he just peers at you through the eye which points anywhichway but forwards. Within hours of his arrival he made more of a mess of the bathroom than I thought possible. I'm hardly a paradigm of clean-living, but the state this guy left the bathroom in actually made me heave. Then he did the unthinkable. It's one thing for me to be paranoid about people using my stuff; even if my paranoia is justified and they are using my stuff, if I never know about it I can't get properly annoyed by it. Ignorance is bliss. But this guy, not only used my hair-gel, but left the lid off and two grey finger gouges running through it. I then spent the next 5 hours at work glaring at his stolen hair-do. If you have to steal hair-gel, at least have the common decency to cover your tracks; if you do something wrong, do it right. He's already got the lazy eye to watch his own back. As per-usual, I won't confront the problem head on, I'll passive-aggressively convey my anger and let him know that I don't like him by behaving like a petulant child.
The ridiculous thing is, my hair is too long for hair gel. I don't use it, and haven't for more than six months. I would have just given it to him had he asked.
And I'm almost sure he used some of my bread.
He probably has herpes, too.
Dick!
In other news, I've finally set up the fundraising page for my half marathon: link here. I eventually decided to support "Naomi House: hospices for children and young adults". Personally, I would have gone with "Naomi House: helping terminally ill children stay at the brink of death for longer". Or, "keeping sick kids above ground since 1997." (I'm working on the assumption that raising money for the charity gives me a passport to make fun of them without retribution). You are under no obligation to give anything - just be aware that not donating will categorically make you a worse person than I. Yes, you will be a worse person than the guy whose nemesis has Down's Syndrome.
Have an average one, cretins.
From your unerring moral-compass,
Joe
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