Jolly Blog 5 - Altruism Transmission

'Sup, Assholes.

Few things to update you on.

I've been holding off on filming Jolly Jrinking II because I've been waiting for my new web-cam to arrive. It was partly because I couldn't be bothered, but mostly it's the web-cam thing. I now have me shiny new camera so the next time I have a day off I'll make a genuine half-assed attempt to film it; this time in glorious HD.

In other news I've decided to enter the Salisbury Half Marathon and now have approximately six months to train for it. This affects you idiots in two respects. It means firstly that at some point I'll be pestering you for sponsorship money, because according to social convention I have to do something benevolent if I want to join in on some poxy run. You can all look forward to that. The second way that this affects you is I need a charity to raise money for and I can't decide which to choose. I have a couple of potential charities in mind so far. The first is Scope (The charity formerly known as 'The Spastic Society'). I tend to overuse the word 'spastic' and it's probably about time I make some kind of recompense before a hoard of disgruntled Cerebral Palsy sufferers all get together, wobble over to me and kick my head in. My second idea is to do my bit to rid the world of its infestation of children and support a 'Pro-choice' charity. Any and all suggestions are welcome.

Since I last spoke to you I have gotten a new flat-mate. This new guy is called Robert and is from Slovakia (or maybe some other rubbish country, but I think Slovakia is correct). He works on washing up, is perfectly nice, doesn't make any noise, and for some reason he thinks I'm in charge and I haven't bothered to correct him yet. Irritatingly I now have to share my bathroom with him and I am not happy. I don't think he's going to mess it up or anything – I really doubt it could get any filthier – but he somehow always manages to get in there mere seconds before I want to go in, and once he's in how can I know that he's not touching my stuff?! My toothbrush is in that room! I don't know who this man is – he could be doing anything in there and there's nothing I can do about it. No, that's not strictly true. I could start marking the level of all my bottles, and I do have the ability to set up CCTV with my new web-cam. What I meant to say is there's nothing I can do that isn't going to raise serious questions about my mental health.

That's all for now. More Drawings 'n' that on their way.

TTFN, wankers.

P.s. In response to the anonymous comment left on the last Jolly Blog, the answer is none. Greedy mother-f**kers always wanting more.

Drawings 'n' that 4

Jolly Blog 4 - Soup Apparitions

Hello all,

Once again apologies are in order for having not posted anything in a while.  I've been proper busy with work and haven't had much time off.  Although, on second thoughts, I'm not really sorry at all.  You don't pay to read this, I don't owe it to you: this is a self-imposed obligation and as a result you idiots will be happy if and when I decided to post something.

Anyways, not a whole lot to report.  I've not seen 'Downsy' in ages.  I think he might have died.  'Winky', the girl in the gym who may or may not have winked at me, is also MIA.  This is all very upsetting.

On the up side, I've switched my job role at work, and so will now be working in the Kitchen.  However, going from Assistant Manager to Chef  is technically a hefty demotion, although it is a good thing for a few reasons.  1) My boss is now the Head Chef, not the General Manager.   Head Chef = actual friend of mine.  General Manager = possibly the biggest prick on Earth.  Last week his own sister told me, very sincerely,  that she hates him so much that she really wouldn't mind if he died (incidentally, his sister is the Head Chef). 2) I'm not taking a pay cut. 3) Most importantly of all, I won't have to work with members of the public any more.

In other news, the evidence pointing to the fact that I'm actually the second coming is really piling up. On Tuesday I had soup, and was truly blessed when I looked down and looking back at me was an image of the Virgin Mary.  Judge for yourself; picture below.

Apparitions of the Virgin Mary, a genuinely flawless character, saintly disposition, looks properly good in robes... As soon as me hair is all nice and long, there will be little doubt that I'm actually the new Jesus.

Seeing as I've precious little to talk about I don't think I'll do a Jolly Vlog any time soon; by popular demand I'll carry on with 'Drawings 'n' that', and I have a couple of days off next week and I will (yes, I WILL) do Jolly Jrinking II.

Later, dickheads!

Joe